Unrelenting Pursuit

Posted on Sep 21, 2017 in Prayer Requests |

A Love Unlike Any Other

By Gene Miller on September 18th, 2017

Each of us have our own story of where we came from, and how we first heard about God. Sometimes it is in the environment of an understanding church congregation, or an authentic Christian home, but sometimes we meet God through a distorted lens that works to push us away from wanting to know Him more, or a negative encounter that causes us to run in the opposite direction of what we’ve just experienced. Through it all, God never gives up on us, but instead pursues us faithfully with His kindness and His grace. When we finally see Him for who He really is, that’s when we can receive a love unlike any other. Below is the testimony of Gene Miller, a man who God chased down, sought out, and won over.

As the fall-winter of my life approaches, I never want to forget who I am in Christ Jesus, nor what the Lord has done in my life and the lives of my family.

Baptized and Confirmed as a Catholic when I was a young boy, I struggled for many years wondering who God was. The practice of confession with a priest was always confusing to me. Whether it was a mortal sin (rejection from heaven with a temporary sentence in purgatory) or venial sin (minor sin) confession kept me guessing what I was guilty of. I dared not take communion with one of these sins weighing on me. Although I don’t condemn this type of church, my conception of God was very distorted. I always felt I wasn’t good enough and that God was ready to dispatch his angry judgment at any moment. One day in the confession booth with a priest, I was humiliated. Unable to receive this form of correction and without a second thought I walked away from the church never to look back.

Many years after Bea and I were married, I agreed to attend her Episcopal Church. Having a similar format to the Catholic Church, I didn’t glean much by this change. I was free from a confessional booth and relieved to participate in a general congregational confession. Some years later, our conservative pastor was replaced by a charismatic pastor who studied under John Wimber of The Vineyard Church of California, renowned for its charismatic teachings and movement. Pastor Sam arrived accompanied by the Holy Spirit and acknowledged all the Gifts and Divine Healing. I had no idea what a charismatic pastor would bring to a church, and many changes took place as Pastor Sam started teaching that Satan was real and emphasized activities of the Holy Spirit. Consequently several families left the church.

As Pastor Sam taught about the reality and attributes of The Holy Spirit, I started to experience something unsettling. It started to occur at various times such as during communion, listening to a gospel sermon, singing along with the choir and various classes we attended as taught by Pastor Sam. The best way to explain it is that I became aware of an unfamiliar presence. I experienced a power drawing me. Although it didn’t feel evil, nonetheless, I felt very uncomfortable and wanted to distant myself from it.

During this same time period, men in the church asked if I would attend a weekend retreat called Cursillo. I said I would think about it (not pray about it) but mentally had a canned answer of NO! I was less than ambivalent about this effort and when pressed by the men, as determined previously, I said no. Furthermore, this program was set up that if married the husband would attend first followed by the wife two weeks later. Bea was curious about ladies who seemed happy and smiled a lot. They credited their change to attendance at Cursillo, the weekend retreat. She decided to try if out for herself, and returned home a changed person. She constantly talked about Jesus, the Holy Spirit and the Bible. Experiencing selfishness, as I must admit, I asked her to tone it down. When she wouldn’t, I started calling her Church Lady. As Bea became more involved, my resistance increased. That powerful presence that made me feel so uncomfortable never ceased.

I now share the following in a humble and grateful spirit. During communion in the church, we knelt and would join the choir singing. On a Palm Sunday, with the choir beside the altar we all were singing “Holy Ground”. As I looked forward, I saw a bright light positioned just above the choir. In a matter of seconds this light became brighter and brighter. As this intensified, I was being drawn in closer and closer with a feeling of awe, great peace and a very secure feeling of magnificent love. I wanted to be absorbed by this presence; the power became so great that I just had to turn away before I exploded. When I looked again, It was gone. When I was asked again to attend the weekend retreat, I responded with a resounding yes.

Even though I had witnessed the real power of Jesus, my journey wasn’t over. The retreat was from Thursday night through Sunday night, with many witness talks by lay members of various churches, teachings from the Bible, and times of fellowship and rest. As the week end progressed, I again felt more and more uncomfortable. This negative feeling was leading me to run home. I had been driven to the retreat that was located in the middle of nowhere in Virginia, and so I didn’t have a car. Nevertheless on Saturday I did decide to leave. Just prior to lunch the lay rector (leader) evidently had discernment and asked me if I was OK. Without pausing, I said no and I was leaving after lunch. We were standing in the middle of a room filled with men. I thought all eyes were on us. He said that would be OK and suggested that I go pack and come to lunch before leaving. Then he asked if he could say a prayer for me. Reluctantly I squirmed at his request but said yes. To this day I do not know what he prayed.

Something happened as I packed and was walking back to the dining room. An over whelming peace came over me. I knew in my heart of hearts that I was in the right place and would stay. Fear was gone and with total submission I accepted the salvation of Jesus that weekend. In that moment the great peace and secure feeling of magnificent love returned to me, this time to stay.

Jesus has never failed to amaze me over the years. He has healed me, forgiven me and has never left me. Thank you Lord for relentlessly pursuing me first. Father, I give you all the honor, glory and praise for what You have done not only in my life, but also the lives of my family members.

May this Testimony bless you,

Gene Miller